When someone says “taking your relationship to the next level,” do they mean moving in together, or burping in front of one another? Here are 14 things that only couples who are really, really comfortable with bodily functions do.
1. Pop each other’s back zits. And feeling enormously, sickly satisfied when you do.
2. Brush away each other’s morning eye crusties or dangly boogers. You know by now that trying to guide them to the right eye or the right nostril is futile. You got this.
3. Ignore your morning breaths to make out anyway. The bathroom is two feet away, but you just need to kiss NOW, stale mouth and all. It’s actually really romantic.
4. Wear the same shirts around each other for days. Sometimes, a Netflix marathon in bed just takes priority over bathing or changing out of your boyfriend’s oversized camp tee.
5. Eat food in bed together. Honestly, if you can ignore breadcrumbs embedding themselves into your back, the post-meal sex is probs amazing.
6. Smell each other’s armpits to see how bad they really stink. Every person deserves their own sweat smell wingman. Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you?
7. Yank out each other’s gray hairs. Yeah, you’re technically not supposed to do that because hair follicles get damaged or whatever, but you both like to live on the edge.
8. Describe your poops in crystalline detail. And boasting about the particularly spectacular ones.
9. Display your bloaty, post-brunch bellies with pride. Are you even a couple if you haven’t both unbuttoned your top pants buttons at the same time?
10. Share a towel if theirs got a little bit grody. Hey, when you don’t live together yet and you really do forget to wash your boyfriend’s designated towel for an admittedly concerning length of time, the only thing to do is share your own towel.
11. Clean each other’s hairs from the bathroom floor/drain. There’s a price to pay for both having full heads of hair, and that’s a bathroom that will never truly be free of your combined shedding.
12. Eat an entire meal with one utensil. Important relationship milestone: sharing a bowl of spaghetti with one fork because you’re too lazy to wash the other one.
13. Congratulate each other on very good farts or burps. #Tbt to the days you desperately held them in as if an uninterrupted, four-second fart isn’t impressive.
14. Complain about every graphic moment of of your food poisoning or flu experience. Throwing up, diarrheaing, involuntarily farting or a magic combo of all at the same time is the absolute worst. Having a partner you can verbally walk your through every step makes it just a tiny bit better.