Fergie, Anna Faris and Scarlett Johannson, who all saw their marriages dissolve in the past year, are going to have to do it — and that’s start dating again. But, after a painful separation and the ink drying on divorce papers, how do they — and you — move past the breakup, get back to dating and possibly find new love?
Relationship and dating coach Fran Greene, author of Dating Again With Courage and Confidence, has five steps to follow post marriage, to get back in the dating pool without gasping for air.
1. Detox From Your Ex. You may no longer be connected to your ex physically, but it’s easy enough to keep tabs on him virtually. “You need to purge photos, delete texts and emails and cut off from his social media,” Greene declares. “Don’t snoop around or ask friends and family how he’s doing. You have to detach from your ex. The more stay you stay connected, the harder it is to move forward.”
2. Remember It’s Just a Date. It can be easy to get caught up in the notion that the next person you go out with will be the next One. “You don’t want be planning your future together while on a date, especially the first one – that’s a lot of pressure for your date, and yourself,” Greene says with a laugh. “Try focusing on what’s happening right there when your mind wants to move beyond. Just enjoy being in that moment.”
3. Know It’s a Numbers Game. You can have one bad date — and swear them off for life. Says Greene, “It goes wrong and you tell yourself, ‘it didn’t work out, dating apps are not for me, that blind date was horrible,’ and you quit right then and there. But know that increasing your number of dates increases your possibilities.” It’s the simple equation of the more time you do it, the better you get at it, the more you know what you’re looking for and the more possibility of “connecting to the right someone and finding the love that you want.”
4. Singledom Is An OK State. There will be some time when you’re on your own, and it helps to understand that being single is not a fatal disease. Enjoy your singledom. There’s something empowering about that newfound awareness that you can survive on your own,” Greene exclaims. “Call up your single friends who can give you a little blueprint on how to do it well, build your girlfriend power base and enjoy the moment, because it may not last that long.”
5. Go With Your Gut. Getting over a breakup isn’t easy. “It could take a month, for another person, a year. Allow yourself to grieve the end of your marriage on your own schedule, not what others tell you,” Greene advises. “But also know that even though your heart has been broken, it does not mean you’ll never be happy again. Know that broken heart is temporary, and someday you will feel happy again, so look forward to each day with a sense of adventure, fun, optimism and hope.”